Me No Write Good

I have a love/hate relationship with letters. To be completely honest, I have a love/hate relationship with writing in general. I find it hard to say what I want to say. When I speak, I get into it. I'm gesturing, making faces, changing my tone. You get the whole picture, right? Here.. How can I convey what I feel with just words? It falls flat. It feels stilted. It's as painful to read as it is to write.

Sometimes, the words just flow and I'm shocked and pleased by the results. But that's only sometimes. And it's usually the stories I've told time and time again. Yes, I've bored some of you with my stories many times over and I'm sorry. I'm like a kid; if I like a story, I want to hear it over and over. It works the other way, too. I like telling them over and over.

But emails and letters are a different story. Letters aren't as bad as emails. You've got the handwriting, the paper, the ink. It's personalized. You get a feel from these things alone. You can emphasize things and de-emphasize with how you write it. I guess you can in emails, too-- and you get smileys and other emoticons along with italics and bold and underline, but I digress.. Handwritten is just more personal and that helps with the writing, I think.

Not that I write if I can avoid it. I'm so awful about writing people. I'm a bad, bad person. I'm always so sure that I'm boring the hell out of the reader that I put off the writing as long as I can. Often enough, I forget to write altogether. Then I'm the one who gets pissed off because so-and-so hasn't written me and how dare they until I remember it's my fault and write a sheepish letter of apology.

So how is it that I can't write emails, fight against letters, avoid writing in general and yet I'm writing here every day? Because I know very few actually read this. I could write "goo goo ga" over and over and it wouldn't matter. And even fewer actually know who I am. That makes it easier. I'm anonymous. I love the mystery, probably more than anyone else does. So, again, I can write whatever and who's to know? Well, besides a few of you. But I know where you live and can't put the hurt on you if I have to, so be good.